Searching...and Trying Not to Lose Hope

1 John 3:16 "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."

We live in a country and a day-&-age where "laying down your life" for your brother/neighbor/friend is kind of a foreign concept. To me, this concept became real when I started dreaming of giving my body to house & nourish a baby until it was completely formed & ready for birth for a couple in need. Laying down my "life" for my brother and using it to bring them what they so desire. To me, this is a fantastic way to love someone, the way Jesus has loved us. 

So, I thought it would be fairly easy to find a "couple in need" of a surrogate. In 2005, I began my search for this couple. I started googling Surrogacy Agencies & I filled out hours & hours worth & tons & tons of applications to become a surrogate. After several applications, I noticed a pattern. Each & every one asked 3 questions that to me were "deal breaker" questions for me:

1. Would you agree to carry for a same-sex couple?

2. Would you agree to "terminate" one or more babies if you became pregnant with multiples but the Intended Parents only wanted one child?

3. Would you agree to "terminate" one or more babies if it was found that the baby had an illness or disorder, if the Intended Parents wanted you to?

For me, all 3 of these questions go against very strong beliefs that I have. I know in this day & age, it is socially acceptable for same-sex couples to have a relationship & have a baby...but its not something I agree with, thus I could never help bring a baby into this world for someone choosing to live this way. Purely my own opinion. There are MANY surrogates out there that have no moral check in their spirit about this issue at all, and would happily carry for them. Not me. The second and third questions just break my heart. To think that someone would desire & dream about a baby for so long, so much so that they would invest a lot of time, money & emotions into finding & using a surrogate, and then want to abort that baby because they weren't what they had in mind is devastating to me! I know some would say that if they are "paying" for a child to be brought into this world, they deserve for that baby to be perfect. In my mind, God knows what's best for you and what you need. God knows what this child (or children) needs & if God has blessed you, then you should accept that blessing, no matter what shape or form. To "terminate" (aka: abort) down to one baby if I would become pregnant with twins or triplets is just...wrong to me. Breaks my heart. I know this is a controversial issue, but these are simply my personal beliefs (I'm not looking to get into a debate about this lol) & things I could not bend on.

So, as I answered "No" to each of these questions on each of these applications, I got the door slammed in my face again & again. Year after year, I applied again & again (when I wasn't pregnant with my own children) and I kept getting my hopes crushed. I just couldn't believe that standing by your beliefs would cause you to be rejected. There HAD to be Intended Parents out there that believed the same things as I.  Though I started losing hope for a moment, I never let my dream die. I knew that as I stuck to my moral beliefs, He would bless me & bless that couple in the future through me & plan my every step towards completion.  I began praying for that couple, though I had no idea who they were. I had a new hope & excitement in me & knew that as I held on to the dream He birthed in my heart, it would come to pass. 

 Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

I will share in the posts to come how He HAS brought the right couple to me, in the way I would have least expected! I encourage you, if God has placed a dream in your heart, step out in faith, BELIEVE in Him & don't lose hope. It may not come in the way you thought, or the timing you hoped for...but it will come. Just keep seeking HIS perfect will for your life. Thank you for coming with me on this journey!!